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Relapsing
Dec 27, 2016 23:40:01 GMT -5
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Post by Kim on Dec 27, 2016 23:40:01 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I just recently found this site after suffering with emetophobia since I was five (I'm 20 now). My whole early life-up until age 16 or 17-was dominated by my phobia. If a kid in the classroom got sick or even mentioned they were sick, I wouldn't go to school for days. I'd fake sick myself so I could stay home because I was absolutely terrified to even be around that person. I remember one time in kindergarten a kid brought their gerbil to class for show and tell and they were showing the class how the animal stores food in it's cheeks and eats it later. I freaked out because the chewed up food reminded me of v. My teacher had to take me into the hall and explain to me that the animal wasn't getting sick. I'm not sure where my emetophobia came from, but it could be epi-genetics because my mom and her sister both suffered from it briefly during their childhood, and I have three sisters and two of them have mild versions of the phobia as well. Mine however, is the only one that is time and life consuming. Twice in elementary school (once in second grade and once in fifth grade) after my parents had caught onto my phobia, and the fact that I would fake sick to stay home from school, I was actually sick but they made me go to school because they thought I was just faking or having anxiety. I ended up v at school!! So scary. The last time I v from a virus was that time in fifth grade. Next month it will be a whole 10 years! I'm certain I have been infected with the sv within that time but it's only shown in the form of n/d. Thing is, when I was 17 I went through a bad depression (I have struggled with depression since my childhood though) and developed an eating disorder. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with anorexia. I went to three treatment centers within the calendar year and spent my 19th birthday at a treatment center in Boston. During my weight recovery from anorexia, I picked up binge eating habits and concurrently sometimes made myself v (so different from typical n or v though)! That has been going on for a little more than a year now. Surprisingly, it's sort of made my emetophobia go into remission. I am not recovered from my anorexia and have been relapsing since August, but about a month ago I vowed to myself to stop purging (which was just on occasion anyway). I have successfully done that, but since stopping, my emetophobia has come back with a vengeance. It probably doesn't help that my sister was sick with the SV last week! I am absolutely terrified. I feel so silly still having this phobia at almost 21 years old after dealing with it for so many years. And after having an eating disorder and wanting to be a doctor, I feel I should "know better". Yet I have already had multiple breakdowns this month over it and isolation/starving myself unrelated to my eating disorder. But then the weight-loss from fear of eating/being sick triggers my eating disorder. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here, just want to know if anyone has a similar story. Maybe not exactly an eating disorder and self induced v, but if you have had periods of remission and then random relapse I would like to know. And any advice you have for me is also helpful. Thanks!
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luke
New Member
stay strong! spring is almost here.
Posts: 72
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Post by luke on Dec 28, 2016 0:09:29 GMT -5
I think July 18th I had an awful panic attack. I had recently quit smoking (and still smoke free!!) and it must've raised my anxiety. I hadn't even THOUGHT about my fear. I could stay out for weeks away from my comfort zone, eat fast food without checking it and making sure it's hot, and I could laugh at drunk people v*ing. then one night I came home and PANICKED. like I was crying and shaking and screaming for my mom to help me and take me to the ER. i was hysterical, and told my mom I would rather die than v*. then I had panic attacks every night after that for about 2 months, and during those times completely stopped eating and only left my house to go to work. here I am now and feeling a lot better, starting to go out more and worry about it less. though I could never see someone v* or drink now, that doesn't mean I'm not better. hold on for tomorrow and know that you are OKAY! nothing will happen. I'm typing this while having some anxiety so it's kind of advice for myself too, lol. but you got this, hang in there.
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Relapsing
Dec 28, 2016 0:17:10 GMT -5
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Post by Kim on Dec 28, 2016 0:17:10 GMT -5
I think July 18th I had an awful panic attack. I had recently quit smoking (and still smoke free!!) and it must've raised my anxiety. I hadn't even THOUGHT about my fear. I could stay out for weeks away from my comfort zone, eat fast food without checking it and making sure it's hot, and I could laugh at drunk people v*ing. then one night I came home and PANICKED. like I was crying and shaking and screaming for my mom to help me and take me to the ER. i was hysterical, and told my mom I would rather die than v*. then I had panic attacks every night after that for about 2 months, and during those times completely stopped eating and only left my house to go to work. here I am now and feeling a lot better, starting to go out more and worry about it less. though I could never see someone v* or drink now, that doesn't mean I'm not better. hold on for tomorrow and know that you are OKAY! nothing will happen. I'm typing this while having some anxiety so it's kind of advice for myself too, lol. but you got this, hang in there. Thank you, that is good information. Throughout my eating disorder therapy, I was made aware that our problems are always lurking, and there's always some sort of trigger that brings them about. The important thing is having the "tools" to combat the anxiety and depression and phobias, so the slip doesn't turn into a complete relapse. My problem is that although I have been to 14 therapists, most of them have never even heard of emetophobia, and also once they find out about my eating disorder that is their primary concern. So I probably do not have the "tools" I need, and I am not a big believer in medication so I don't want to just pop a Xanax every time I am afraid of throwing up! I feel so lost and alone. This has always been a part of my life I don't share with people.
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luke
New Member
stay strong! spring is almost here.
Posts: 72
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Post by luke on Dec 28, 2016 0:31:06 GMT -5
I am so so sorry to hear about that. emetophobia is so overlooked, and I'm lucky enough to have my therapist understand my phobia and help me through it. at first she did the same thing, focused on my depression. then I told her about having a panic attack every night for the past week since I saw her, and she was like "what? from that fear you have?" like generally confused why I was afraid of v*! you have to tell them that you need help with this phobia, make it known because they probably just don't get it. some of my skills are laying down in my bed with headphones in. my relaxing song is to my knees by Hillsong. it's a Christian song, and it plays in my church, but people hVe different views so just find that song that calms you! another one that isn't related to religion for me is please be naked by the 1975. it's really calming and has no words and is just very deep. also I find taking my temperature often helps me realize I'm not sick and it's my anxiety, since my anxiety makes me feel feverish. don't be afraid to message me if you ever need anything.
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Post by Itsme on Dec 31, 2016 15:23:29 GMT -5
I'm 41 and have been an Emetophobe since I was about 6 so please don't feel stupid. I'm an educated professional but this can be anyone's life.
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Relapsing
Jan 1, 2017 12:43:45 GMT -5
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Post by Anonymous77 on Jan 1, 2017 12:43:45 GMT -5
Kim, my situation is not very similar to yours, but I undeestand the relapsing and i have what I guess are seasonal relapses. A great deal of the year i feel fine, I can eat in restaraunts and function normally in stores and in public. But, come around the last of November until the last of March, especially when the stories of people getting ill start making the rounds, I become a basket case. So i go part of the year pretty much ol, then relapse into the anxiety during the winter.
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